date

www.thebiblog.net, date, september 15, 2010

a community dance studio, the perfect venue for a blind date

i have an unhealthy obsession with dating shows _ i mean the trashy reality kind. this obsession inevitably led me to apply to appear on dating television. i was contestant #3 on u8tv the lofters first gay themed dating episode. luckily for me, the episode only ever appeared online. in the show i was pitted against a boy from scarborough and my ex-boyfriend (a strange coincidence) in a battle for the heart of a cowboy from calgary. when the calgarian made their appearance and was nearly twice my age, i threw the game. my ex did the same, so that the scarberian was deemed victor, with an awkward date as their prize.

i sometimes wonder what happened on the date. not just the how, but also the where. my fascination with dating shows has as much to do with the infrastructure of dates as the drama that takes place within this infrastructure. the dating show presents us with an almost unending menu of date activities that take place across the urban landscape, from center to fringes, in community gyms, bowling alleys, equestrian facilities, restaurants, and a plethora of other places that exist mainly to satisfy the date. did the noise of the bowling alley or chill of the equestrian facility distract enough to make the calgarian attractive in eyes of the scarberian? did the calgarian find their date more attractive in the dim lighting of the french bistro? were they at any point inebriated enough to make these first two points moot?

if their date had followed the format of my favorite early 2000’s dating show, "blind date", it might have played out as follows:

scarberian picks up calgarian from hotel downtown. skip to scene of the couple driving to a strip mall in the suburbs. calgarian has surprised scarberian with square dancing lessons at a community dance studio with a flashy logo. calgarian and scarberian hold each others waists and giggle at square dance instructions demonstrated by a tall, good humored, 60 year old woman wearing a cowboy hat and overalls. skip to scene of couple driving to a historic building near the city center. scarberian has surprised calgarian with acting lessons at a local drama workshop. calgarian and scarberian exercise their voices by sputtering saliva, followed by acting out a portion of script from the film adaptation of "the color purple". calgarian refuses to act on stage due to stage fright. tension mounts. skip to scene of the couple driving to a mauve colored restaurant with outdoor seating. scarberian lectures calgarian on not taking enough risks. calgarian has one too many drinks. date ends outside restaurant with awkward hug. skip to interview of contestants.